4:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m.
Dave: So, finally, after months of breathless expectation, Season 7 of 24 premieres. Lots of hype for this season, and considering the overwhelmingly disappointed reaction to the prior season, the creative minds had much presure on them to make this day one of Jack Bauer’s best.
Well, after that two-hour cliffhanger premiere last night, I can officially say: Jack’s back!
What an opener! The last season left us with a thoroughly despondent Jack Bauer, a man on the brink (literally) who had just suffered through a series of nuclear blasts and attempts on his life by his own dad.
Season 7 opens eight months later, with Jack living in a nondescript studio apartment in a condo complex in Omaha, Nebraska. Seemingly detached from his former life as the premiere counter-terror agent, Jack now works as a quality control technician for a factory that makes plastic toy hammers that squeak when you hit something.
Inevitably something happens that drags Jack back into the game, and as incredible as it may be, terrorists have finally gotten the memo that trying to cause trouble in L.A. is asking for trouble. So they shift their focus to the Midwest, where the CTU presence is significantly smaller. Too bad they chose Omaha as a target, because Jack Bauer can smell a terrorist twenty miles away, and like that it’s on.
The terrorist group appears to be a rainbow coalition of nationalities, with Eastern Europeans, Middle Easterners and I think a Canadian, teamed up to unleash ruinous destruction. The de facto leader for now is a fella named Tron Hamburger (Kirk Cameron), whose intentions are not yet known.
What we do know is that Tron and his flunkies have bypassed the usual nuclear/biological/chemical agents and have gone an entirely different route: Biblical. Taking a page from the Indiana Jones playbook, the writers have concocted a borderline fantastic doomsday premise: the terrorists have apparently tracked down the location of the actual rod of Moses to an antiquities dealer in downtown Omaha and plan on using it to turn all of America’s water supply to blood.
On his way to work, Jack (who works second shift) recognizes one of the bad guys from a previous adventure and follows his crimefighting instincts and tails him, a tactic that leads him to the shop that Tron’s men are trying to rob. One thing leads to another and Jack kills four men, two women and a polar bear (don’t ask).
Meanwhile, President Sandra Palmer (returning from last season) and her VP Walid (also her fiancee) are embroiled in a laundry scandal. CTU in L.A. has been shot down, replaced by mobile counter-terror units, small, van-based task forces that rocket from state to state when needed, not unlike those Sweet Pickles commercials.
The premiere ended with a massive cliffhanger, when Jack is captured by one of the terrorists and his life is threatened!
Erich: Gotta agree with Dave. This season is shaping up to be the best in years! They’ve finally left L.A. and CTU behind, and, so far, I am totally digging Omaha. As for Jack’s new job, the poetic irony in having a man so renowned for killing people with blunt instruments making toy hammers for a living? Genius! It’s great to see the writers playing with sophisticated metaphors. I also really liked the French New Wave-style cinematography, especially during that opening black-and-white conveyor belt sequence.
You know, I never thought I’d say this, but Kirk Cameron is the ultimate bad-ass! The past few years we’ve seen some impressive child actor reinventions, including Rick Schroeder and Neil Patrick Harris, but Cameron’s transformation tops them all. As Tron Hamburger (such a chilling name!), Cameron really poured on the evil sauce last night. I can’t believe the Fox censors let him kill a roomful of orphans by dousing them with gasoline and tossing in a flaming nun! Over-the-top? Sure. But it got the message across!
Internet messageboards have been lit up since last night with people furiously arguing whether the “rod of Moses” storyline is good for the series. On the one side are the people who think the supernatural twist means the show has jumped the shark. On another, the fans who dig the new direction. And on the other, people who say it was actually Aaron who had the rod, not Moses. I don’t know who’s right. Maybe they all have a point. The way I look at it, I still don’t want to drink no blood.
The only weakness in the season so far is the President Palmer scandal storyline. The whole “laundrygate” thing pushes believability. I mean, who ever heard of someone smuggling national secrets out of the Pentagon by writing them on a pair of tighty whities they wear past security? And if I have to hear one more “legal briefs” joke, I’m gonna scream. Good thing Chloe’s headed out there to take care of business. I just wish they hadn’t decided to play her for comic relief this season by pairing her with a wisecracking rookie named “Stinky.” I also wish they hadn’t made their mobile anti-terrorist unit a re-purposed Oscar Meyer Weinermobile. Oh, well.