Q: What do you get when you cross a gunslinger from the Old West with a Buick Skylark?
A: Quick Draw Buick Skylark
Q:What did the skeleton say to the zygote?
A: “Here’s looking at you kid.”
Q: Where do leprechauns go for colonoscopies?
A: Which ever clinic has the tiniest isntruments.
Dominic Santini is the fictional co-pilot from the hit ’80s action show Airwolf. Grizzled and wise, Dom served as a level-headed balance to the fiery Stringfellow Hawke, the pilot of the titular battle copter. To channel his anger from having to play second fiddle, Dom poured his angst into the composition of aggressive Japanese poetry.
Colonoscopy
Thursday already?
I just need to get it done,
Suck it up and clench.
–Dominic Santini
Dear Huitzilopochti,
I’m having some serious stomach problems. I think it was the clam strip basket I had last night.
Nauseous in Nashville
Nauseous–You come to me with these feeble pleas? Do you not know who I am? I don’t have time for your irritable bowels! My enemies quake at the very uttering of my name! The beasts of the Earth themselves shudder at the sound of my footsteps. Just take an antacid or something. Seriously, I don’t have time for this stupid crap. –Huitzilopochti
Howdy, loyal Atomic Blowtorch reader(s?)! What say we do a gimmicky five-day special theme series of postings? As the staff at AB continue to rinse our collective mouths from the bad taste this last season of 24 left with us, here’s a flashback to the finer days of yore. So join us for The Illustrated Top 5 24 Moments.
#1):
Jack takes down the Drazens by himself.
Here we are, the number one moment, coming, fittingly, at the culmination of Season One. Misinformed that his daughter was killed, Jack gets that crazy look in his eyes and storms into a warehouse currently occupied by the Drazens and their fanatical yes-men. What ensues is gun-slinging onslaught as Jack takes everyone down, saving the most furious fusillade for the Big Bad of the season, one Dennis Hopper. Seriously, Jack, the guy was a floating corpse! Show some respect.
Erich: And so it comes to this. There have been so many great moments over the past six seasons of 24 (well, maybe not so many during this past season). What’s my moment number one? I can’t say if it’s the best, but it was the biggest twist of Season 1:
Nina Myers is the CTU mole.
Sure, the impact of Nina’s duplicity was arguably lessened by each of the many (oh, so many) subsequent CTU moles, but she was the first, and the best. I remember being shocked by it, and impressed by the clues I had missed throughout the season. And, to tie it into Dave’s number one (another great moment), it was Nina who told Jack that Kim was dead, sending him into that final Drazen showdown. Call her Nina, call her Yelena, call her names unfit for print, but whatever you call her she stands as one of the best 24 villains of all time.
I’m pretty well over Jack Black, but this movie looks too dang cool. It’s directed by Michel Gondry (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind), and co-stars Mos Def. If you’re a movie fan, I think you’ll dig this (link to hi-res trailer below):
See the hi-res trailer on Yahoo! Movies!
So early next year, two Martial Arts icons will finally work together on screen–Jet Li and Jackie Chan. This pairing is a long time coming, no doubt, but after reading the plot synopsis online, I’m not feeling the glee that should be associated with a project starring these two fisticuffs titans.
Here’s the IMDB plot outline:
A discovery made by a kung fu obsessed American teen sends him on an adventure to China, where he joins up with a band of martial arts warriors in order to free the imprisoned Monkey King.
I guess said American teen is transported to mystical China with a magic staff or something. Look, I’m not familiar with the source material, apparently a beloved Asian story, and it’s possible it’s an epic suited for Jackie Chan and Jet Li, but I can’t help thinking of A Kid in King Arthur’s Court.
Hey, at least Yuen Woo-Ping is involved. That dude could direct an episode of Grey’s Anatomy and I’d watch.
(*Yeah, I know. The title should actually be “Mars on Lost?” but, c’mon…that doesn’t make any sense.)
Thanks to my wife, Lori, for pointing me to this story: it seems our very own Kristen Bell (aka. Veronica Mars) is being considered to play the part of “Charlotte”—a “precocious, loquacious and funny…academic who also knows how to handle herself in the real world”—on the upcoming fourth season of Lost. The character is rumored to be part of the “rescue party” introduced at the end of last season’s finale.
It was a sad day when the CW cancelled Veronica Mars (a site-favorite series), but the possibility of seeing Ms. Bell on Lost (one of our other favorite shows) makes me a very happy fan!
It’s a smart move, if you ask me. With only 48 episodes to go, the Lost producers must have realized Veronica’s the only person who could possibly solve all the island’s mysteries.