Erich: Looks like I didn’t waste my money when I ordered all those “Congratulations Jin” cigar wrappers. The good news is Sun got pregnant by her husband and not her ex-lover (aka The Pearl Diver); the bad news is, because she conceived on the island, she only has two months to live. Her only consolations: she can keep her past “indiscretions” a secret; and, given the show’s pacing, two months should last well into season six. Sun is the second character in as many weeks to find themselves in a Catch-22 situation. Twice may not be a trend, but it makes me wonder how many Losties are soon going to find themselves between a Black Rock and a hard place.

While Sun’s island story was one of a “lose-lose” situation out of her control, her flashback showed her having to make a difficult, if not impossible, choice. Should she pay blackmail with money that would put her unwitting husband at the mercy of her criminal father, or risk having the secret of her husband’s shameful parentage made public? Given the way Jin’s involvement with her father’s “business” almost destroyed their marriage, I thought Sun made the wrong choice when she handed over the hundred grand. On the other hand, she was keeping a promise she made to his father, and who’s to say the public humiliation of as fiercely proud a man as Jin wouldn’t have had the same result?

As much as we’d all like to hate Juliet, it seems she’s in her own Catch-22. She’s carrying out a mission for Ben, taking fertility “samples” from the Lostettes and reporting back to him, but it seems she’s doing it only because he’s forcing her. It seems the message she wishes she could leave him is simply: “I hate you.” There’s hope for her after all.

For the mystery-junkie inside of me, the biggest developments happened on the other side of the island. What a shock to find out Mikhail, the Cyrillic Lazarus of Soul, is still alive! I’m sure there are messageboards exploding with wild theories about Hurley’s flare gun misfire as proof he’s working with the Others, but I’m gonna stick that in the “Crazy Bin.” He may have thought they needed to signal for help and jumped the gun (pun sorta intended), but, whatever his reasoning, it appears Mikhail mistook the flare as a message from his Other compatriots. The revelation that Mikhail faked his death (or was healed by the island, or has a clone, or whatever) leaves open the possibility that Miss Klugh may not really be dead, either. Was that why they were so anxious to be “killed”? Whether or not the island can bring someone back from the dead, we finally know the island has real curative power—to heal wounds, disease and paralysis, as well as supersize sperm counts (any chance Kate isn’t pregnant?). The weird thing is it appears to be indiscriminate. Why, then, does Ben have cancer? Hmmm.

If I worked for the ABC Promo Department and had to come up with “Three Big Mysteries” from this episode, I’d have to pick: Mikhail’s “return from the dead,” confirmation of the island’s healing properties, and the whole “but they found flight 815…everyone was dead…and on the door handle was a hook….” thing. Man, that was a creepy ending! What does it mean? Are they all really dead, in some kind of purgatory? or did whoever’s funding the Others manipulate the media to stop the search and hide the survivors? It was a nice twist… and we’ll probably only have to wait until season nine for answers.

Dave: I enjoyed this episode, and especially the flashback, which I though was one of the finest in some time. This Jin-Sun episode, like all the similarly themed installments in the past, added another level of depth to what are two of my favorite characters on the island.

The big news was of course the reveal at the end by Helicopter Woman, and though it’s juicy as all get-out, I’m wondering if the writers can live up to the bigness of the twist. Seriously, man, that’s huge. I’d be interested to see if we get any more info by the end of the season, though reality dictates that, as Erich notes, we won’t get closure to that mystery for some time; my guess is the Lost Reunion Special in 2025.

Still, I’ll give it to the writers for setting up a sweet dilemma for Sun, who obviously took the news that Jin was the father as about bitter-sweet as someone could take news like that. Main complaint: Elizabeth Mitchell’s smirk has begun to severely grate on me.

12:00 a.m. to 1:00 a.m.

Dave: So Jack’s gone rogue, someone’s been sacked at CTU and there is way too much time devoted to faux political speech at the White House. The driving force of this home stretch of Season Six is Jack’s efforts to rescue Audrey, who as we all know, sucks. I’m sorry, but this is just a brutal miscalculation by the writers. Yeah, we’re led to believe that Jack still loves Audrey a whole lot, but I don’t think the audience is there with him and the gravitas is diminished. You need to have a hostage that the viewers care about, e.g. Bill, Chloe, and, um, well that’s all I’ve got.

CTU Silver Spoon is a worthy agent, though he’s hampered by the exquisite slowness of the CTU helicopters, which apparently run on steam. Thank goodness he interfered when he did, even if it did screw Jack’s plan. This gives us more time for Bauer Vengeance, which we’ve had far too little of this season.

Nadia’s in charge. Good luck with that. Heading CTU is akin to being Jason Seaver, what with having to deal with all the melodrama and hurt feelings that permeate the place. With Milo and Morris sulking and Chloe acting even more scathing than normal, I submit CTU should be renamed the Tiger Beat Institute of Fighting Terrorism and Dating Each Other.

Erich: 24 has been pretty thematic lately. Two weeks ago it was “April Fools”; last night it was “Couples Therapy.” Let’s take a “state of the relationship” look at the show’s celebrity couples:

For Chorris, trust issues bubbled over into the inevitable “why’d-you-put-the-cell-tower-defragmentation-data-on-my-screen-without-asking” fight (we’ve all been there, right guys?), culminating in the number one cause of divorce in the U.S.: reminding your significant other they once armed nuclear weapons for terrorists. Ouch! That’s the kind of thing that’ll send you back to drinking.

KarBill (aka The Fighting Buchanans) are in the crosshairs of the Department of Justice, and Karen does the only thing a loving, supportive wife can do: she throws her husband under the bus. I imagine that, after Donald Trump, your wife is the second most humilating person to be fired by.

Nadilo (man, these are getting harder) are still dealing with the fact that Nadia doesn’t want Ricky Schroder to fail at his job and die a horrible death, and Milo does. Not that we should expect Mr. Sulky to perk up any time soon, now that she’s been named interim director of CTU (for those playing at home, that makes him Tony and her Angela).

I’m not even gonna come up with a cute name for Daniels and his assistant… That presidential-mauling scene was the most disturbing thing I’ve ever seen on 24, extreme torture included.

Of all our twosomes, Jaudrey have it the worst. Jack’s plan to blow himself up rather than have to spend any more time with Audrey was a good one. Too bad Doyle got in the way. The least he could have done was shoot Audrey by mistake. While we don’t yet know the extent of Audrey’s “swatting-at-invisible-elves” psychosis, or whether Jack can beat the treason charges, at least we can be sure that neither of them will ever eat Chinese food again.

Dear Huitzilopochti,

I’m a professional jazz musician, but no matter how hard I work I can never seem to find success.  It seems like I’ll forever be playing in low-grade bars and airport diners.  What are your suggestions for getting ahead?

Sincerely,

Fatigued in Fayetteville

Dear Fatigued.  This is the easiest problem I’ll solve this equinox.  If you want to achieve your dream of becoming a successful artist, slaughter an animal that is close to you (a pet for example), make a rucksack out of its hide, fill it with the fecal matter of your biological grandmother and lament in the wilderness for sixty-seven days.  On the sixty-eighth day, invoke my name 134 times while submerged under a body of running water.  If you survive all of this you will be granted your material desire.  Your soul will also be pledged to me as a servant in my netherworld army, but that’s actually a pretty fun gig. –Huitzilopochti

Erich: Keep an eye on Desmond and Locke. Both characters have played major roles in series turning points, and their “abilities”—Des’s visions of the future and John’s miraculous healing—defy scientific explanation unlike anything else we’ve seen thus far. (The monster might also fit into this category, but it might also be some advanced-computer-A.I. thing.) I’ve heard fans repeat the mantra of “nothing is supernatural; everything has an explanation” since the producers purportedly said so, but I’m not convinced. For a show that relies on contrasting faith and science, it seems unlikely that science will end up completely obliterating faith. It would take an amazing feat of expository writing to explain away the supernatural powers the island seems to have. Think my talk of “superpowers” is far-fetched? What about Charlie and Hurley’s “Flash vs. Superman”jungle debate?

As Desmond and Locke have learned, the granting of “powers” has a dark side. The island requires sacrifice. In Locke’s case, the island took Boone. Desmond was prepared to give up Charlie if it meant his reunion with Penny. I wonder if his last-second change of heart will have any repercussions? It’s easy to think that once the helicopter crashed, the die had been cast and nothing Desmond “changed” could alter the outcome, but can we be sure? Had Charlie died, would it have been Penny in that tree? I wondered last week if Ben’s cancer had been “transferred” to him when Rachel was healed. Her sickness was more likely a ruse, but it’s clear to me that when the island gives something away, it wants something in return. Ben’s interest in Locke has everything to do with a search for that “harmony.”

In Desmond’s flashback, the monastery producing a mere 108 bottles of wine was obviously a nod to “the numbers,” but I don’t think it was just an easter egg. As players in last summer’s Lost Experience know, the Dharma Initiative’s primary objective was to change the numbers, the “core values of the Valenzetti Equation,” in order to alter the outcome of human history. Desmond, by drinking two bottles of wine, reduced the number from 108 to 106 and metaphorically “changed” the numbers. Makes sense. I can’t think of anyone on the island more interested in altering the future…

Dave: You all of course noticed the woman in the abbot’s photograph, right? It was the lady from Desmond’s last flashback. What that means, well, I’m clueless, but there’s obviously some thread pulling Desmond’s stories together.

Desmond is one of my favorite characters on the island and how he manipulated the “campout” to follow the path of the visions brings forth a weird chicken-and-the-egg conundrum of what destinies his future flashes actually spell out.

Meanwhile, back at Melrose Pl–I mean the survivors’ HQ, Kate gets randy when she sees Jack cuddle with Juliet. I think Sawyer said exactly the right thing when faced with the truth: “All you need to do is ask.” Sawyer has some great lines throughout, my favorite being “Are you guys talking about your favorite Other?” (paraphrased)

So an enjoyable episode, but I’m not feeling the introduction of yet another character to the story. Don’t know who parachute woman is, but we’re in the home stretch now and I’d like to keep the focus on the characters we have.

Erich: Dude…you just blew my mind. I wondered about the woman in the photograph! It seemed like an important shot, but I couldn’t see her very well on our crappy cut-off-on-the-side standard definition TV.

My favorite line: “You want me to make you a mix tape?”

So I just wrapped up Sony’s mindblowing sequel to God of War. What an awesome game God of War II is. It’s bigger, badder and ballsier than its predecessor, cramming in moments after moment of pure badass-itude in its generous playtime. Kratos has cemented his status as one of gaming’s iconic action characters.

I was so amped for this game, I searched everywhere for a PlayStation 2, a console I had briefly, but traded in toward my Xbox 360. Eventually I secured one for $30 and 20 crappy horror movies (a deal that I sincerely hope was as rewarding for my fellow barterer as it was for me). Then it was a five-day God of War spree, after which I collapsed, exhausted and wondering how I was supposed to play the inevitable third entry without shelling out an obscene amount of money for the PS3.

11:00 p.m. – 12:00 a.m. 

Erich: Last night on 24…

…Jack learns that revenge is a dish best served with fried rice…Morris incurs Chloe’s wrath by forcing her to obey the law (” but he never installs unauthorized login prevention software at home“)…Noah’s ark stays afloat, as Wayne’s world comes crashing down…and Mike finds out the hard way that even heroes pass Russian weapons technology to the Chinese one leg at a time.

I’m not sure how to feel at this point in the season. The nuclear crisis is over (good). Wayne Palmer’s testosterone adrenaline shots got him through the crisis (good), only for him to have a massive cerbral hemorrhage during a press conference (bad…but sure to end up on the Presidential Bloopers and Practical Jokes DVD), thus giving control of the free world to Noah Daniels (bad), a man who once nuked an Arby’s for not giving him any Horsey Sauce (bad…but forgivable). Oh, and now Jack and his cell phone with the weird yellow background image (bad if it’s some hippy-crap; good if it’s an extreme close-up on a flame-engulfed terrorist) is on a mission to kill his captors (awesome) and save Audrey (very not awesome).

And so we’re back to the old 24 drawing board: Jack’s out to save a kidnapped loved one while on the run from his own government, Chloe will probably risk everything to help him, and the 25th Amendment has been invoked again. As much as I love the show, I don’t like the way things are going. Last night’s episode didn’t have the oomph of the one before it and I’m worried the season will end with a whimper instead of a bang. Here’s hoping they: minimize the Audrey-love, maximize the Jack-revenge, and make the finale so amazing that everything else on TV seems like an endless parade of YouTube groin-injury videos*. Maybe the final shocking twist will be that Audrey was behind Jack’s kidnapping, and he has to shoot her…and Kim, for some reason.

* Not like those cat videos… those are hilarious.

Dave: Here’s the thing…Audrey sucks and nobody likes her. As such, by the very nature of her suckitude, it is near impossible to get invested with Jack’s daring rescue mission. Hey, I’m all for Jack to beat the snot out of those scummy Chinese nationalists, but if it means that hobo-Audrey (a limited eidtion action figure!) is released back into 24 mythology, er, I’m not so sure.

Seriously, Audrey screws everything up. First off, great job getting yourself captured in Beijing on an idiotic rescue attempt. How did you figure on securing Jack’s release? Batting your eyes and hoping for the best? And we know she obviously heard the demands for the nuclear component. How about taking one for the good of the world Audrey and telling Jack, you know, NOT to rescue you?

Look, I’m too agitated now. Audrey just flat-out blows.

Erich: Dang! “There’s no way Juliet will end up being a spy,” I thought. “They’ve done it too many times,” I thought… Perhaps the “twist” will seem more shocking to those who wait to watch the series on DVD. As much as I wanted Juliet’s joining of the Losties to be geniune, I have to (grudgingly) admit that, after this episode, her “plant”-status makes more sense than I thought it would.

“One of Us” was a fascinating episode. Until the final reveal, I felt sorry for Juliet, wondering why those Lostie lunkheads couldn’t just leave her alone. The Sayid-Sawyer ambush scene was perhaps the first time I saw the crash survivors as The Others’ do: as filthy murderers, liars and theives. Considering the suburban splendor of New Otherton, the beach folk must look as primal and unkempt to Juliet as the Others in their hillbilly clothes did to the Losties. If I had to pick a theme on which to hang this third season it would be “Perspective.” In the first two seasons, we saw The Others from the Losties’ perspectives; now we’re being shown things the Other way ’round.

Juliet remains a complex and mysterious character. Her main motivation, however, seems clear. She wants more than anything to leave the island and return to her sister. What is painfully unclear is how she thinks her current actions will get her home. I think the only thing we can be sure of when it comes to Juliet is what she told Jack: that she is, and has always been, on her own.

Finally, because I can’t think of a better format, I give you my Mega-Question Mash-up:

• Did Juliet’s sister’s cancer return, or was it just a classic Ben ploy? If her sister was, indeed, healed by Jacob, was the cancer passed on to Ben in trade? If so, did Ben willingly accept the deal to keep Juliet around?

• Is curing the island infertility curse The Others’ primary objective, or just an obstacle keeping them from their real work (whatever that may be)? What is the source of this gruesome penalty for attempted reproduction?

• Does Ben view the Losties as heaven-sent guinea pigs, provided by Jacob (or the island) for fertility testing and (in the case of Jack) a means to cure his cancer? If so, does that explain the general contempt he and the rest of The Others feel for the survivors?

• Was Juliet playing Jack from the beginning, or has the sub-explosion made her think casting her lot with Ben is the only hope for escape? Does Jack really trust her, or does he suspect her treachery?

• We know from her flashback Juliet was close with Ethan and very close with Goodwin; is her Lostie-infiltration part of some grand scheme of revenge?

• Given how easily she was able to deflate Sayid and Sawyer, how much will Juliet use the “dirt” she has on all the Losties to get what she wants?

Dave: Good episode, and Erich’s “perspective” observations are well-taken. The breathless claims of “big secrets” revealed were only partially delievered on. We got the 4-1-1 on Ethan and the kidnapping–or did we. That final scene with Juliet showing us all the punk that she is now renders that whole explanation suspect.

Yet flashbacks don’t lie, right? So the fertility stuff certainly plays a role somehow. Is human sterility the big secret of the island? Doubtful, but it’s probably a symptom.

I’m not a huge fan of Juliet. I think I just hate Elizabeth Mitchell’s constant scowling more than anything but the finale gave me hope in her character. It will be interesting to see how Jack responds to the betrayal when he learns of it. The theme of getting screwed over by women he grows close to is a disturbing trend in his life and this screw job might be too much for the good doctor to handle.