Archive for March, 2007

Wednesday, March 28th, 2007

Erich: This may not have been the episode people were expecting, but I really dug it. For all the theories about Nikki and Paulo being part of an alternate timeline, or that they were working with The Others, it turns out they were just two people so focused on finding, and hiding, stolen diamonds that it finally killed them. Some may cry foul at the “buried alive” ending, but I think it was a twist worthy of shows like Alfred Hitchcock Presents or The Twilight Zone. The beauty of this relatively stand-alone story is that the writers kept teasing us with connections to the mythology that just weren’t there: Nikki and Paulo met Ethan, but weren’t recruited to join The Others; they found the plane and the Pearl, but didn’t explore either; Paulo overheard Ben and Juliet plotting to kidnap Jack, Kate and Sawyer, but was so relieved not to have been caught that it went in one ear and out the other.

I think the producers introduced Nikki and Paulo, only to kill them off, as a way to have a little fun with the audience–with those who overanalyze the show’s mysteries. The writers knew we were going to hate Nikki and Paulo. They knew the messageboard venom would pour forth. They knew that for all the theories about these hated characters, we’d never guess the truth: that they had nothing to do with the island mystery (or were, at least, too self-centered to participate). They were just guest stars, and–as Nikki told us–”we all know what happens to guest stars.” Let’s face it folks: they got us good! In the spirit of Lost, Nikki and Paulo were part of a long con, and we got conned. Is it a coincidence this episode aired so close to April Fool’s Day?

There’s a message, though, in all the trickery. Lost is clearly inspired by pulpy mystery and science fiction programs of old, and, like those programs, is meant to entertain. This episode made that clear, by starting on the set of a cheesy TV action show (starring Billy Dee Williams!) and finishing it with one of the oldest twists in the book. If anyone missed the connection, perhaps they’re too focused on the “seriousness” of dissecting every last detail to have gotten the joke. We could talk about the mythology tidbits thrown in this week–about Ben and Juliet’s conversation in the Pearl, or the ramifications of Charlie’s confession to Sun–but that would miss the point. What point? Just ask Hurley: “It’s only the most awesome hour of television ever!” He’s right. Let’s all sit back and enjoy the ride.

Dave: Not much to say on my end, because, really, not much happened as per the greater arc of the storyline. But as a self-contained story with a few nods to the mythology, this installment of Lost from the Crypt proved to be entertaining.

Nikki and Xerxes were barely tolerable characters, so I’m hoping that sand gets packed down nice and tight. The back story was boilerplate, back-stabbing thievery and the contents of the bag was never in doubt (what else is worth that much dough and can fit in a teabag? Well, besides gold-plated air). I got a kick out of the new perspective on the events of the island, sort of like a “through the eyes of that guy and that girl.”

So, in the end, a fun diversion with some solid Hurley, Sun and Sawyer moments, though it felt like the episode would been more at home on a direct-to-DVD horror anthology.

Tuesday, March 27th, 2007

8:00-9:00 p.m.

Dave: A pretty wild episode culminating with the non-death of President/Junior High Civics Teachers Wayne Palmer, which is kind of a downer because now we’ll be subjected to an inevitable–and interminable–lecture about Constitutional powers and the role of the Justice Department in removing sitting presidnets and Mr. Palmer can I have a hall pass to go the bathroom please?

On the CTU side of things, well, everything is still FUBAR. I’m a big Bill Buchanan fan, but that place is such a dysfunctional work environment, the next mole that will infiltrate it will an operative from the Department of Labor. Meanwhile Milo and Nadia fanned the flames of passion that no one I know cares about (does anyone else think that Milo, with his mustache and long face, will end up tying Nadia to a train track and laugh manically while smoking a pipe?).

Jack enlists the help of a mentally challenged savant named Brady to finally bag Gredenko. The dude really pulled through in the clutch. I think someone needs to give him a CTU workstation pronto. And who’s this mystery guy with the big head trying to play Doyle and Milo off each other?! Whoever he is, he’s about get a silver spoon rammed into his gullet.

Erich: In this week’s very special episode of 24: Jack tags a Russian grizzly; Nadia is framed by a computer chip; Karen Hayes uses her Girl Power to defeat V.P. “Shall… We… Play… A… Game?” Daniels; and Ricky Schroder proves he learned a thing or two about right and wrong while riding miniature trains with his rich dad. Noah Daniels is quickly becoming one of my favorite 24 villains (or heroes, depending on whether or not you watch Fox News). He’s just a big ol’ xenophobic teddy bear in need of a nuclear hug. I’m a little disappointed they’ve decided to go down the “declare-the-president-unfit-for-duty” road again (I’ve learned more about the 25th Amendment from 24 than I ever did in Social Studies). The again, is there anyone in Washington who doesn’t want to oust President Palmer? On a side note: maybe I’m just a child of the 80’s, but when I look at Daniels and his slinky assistant, I think Destro and the Baroness.

I’m not sure how I feel about the “savant brother” angle to the story this week. Maybe we were supposed to see Jack’s softer side? It was one of the strangest one-off character decisions in the show. I’m guessing Brady will either get a job at CTU (as Dave suggests) or he’ll be in Keifer Sutherland’s upcoming summer buddy movie “Blood Rain Man.”

Monday, March 26th, 2007

When I was a senior in high school, I languished behind the deli counter of a dumpy, family-owned and operated grocery store. My boss was the most fascinating man I’ve ever met, a husband, father and lover of cocaine, gambling, smoking and alcohol. Determining his moods, day to day, proved to be an adventure, as I and my colleagues tried to ascertain what narcotic was currently preying on his quickly disintegrating mind. Here’s what we came up with:

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MOOD 1

“I Lost a Tooth in That Woman’s Ground Chuck.”

 

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MOOD 2

“I’ve Made a Bowel Movement in My Pants and My Stupid Employees are Too Intimidated to Say Anything.”

 

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MOOD 3:

“I Woke Up in a Stranger’s Garage and I Think There’s a Chipmunk in My Body Cavity.”

 

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MOOD 4:

“My Head is Spinning and There’s Blood in My Urine.”

 

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MOOD 5:

“My Head is Spinning and There’s Blood in My Urine!”

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MOOD 6:

“Maybe My Life is Sad and Unfulfilling.”

Friday, March 23rd, 2007

For Friday, March 23, 2007:

Tune in tonight at 8:00 p.m. to see Halle Berry in “Catwoman” (2004), on American Movie Classics.

Thursday, March 22nd, 2007

Dave: I’m just going to warm the seat here for Erich, who has much keener insight into this zany show than I do. I will say that I enjoyed the episode and for the first time in a long time, The Others didn’t annoy me. Ben was at his creepy, manipulative best and that whole magic box thing was intriguing, though on the surface seems supernatural (countering what the writers have said about the mysteries being reality-based).

This week it was all about Locke’s injury, and though promo-guy overhyped the reveal, it was still somewhat of a stunner I thought. Not a stunner: the ending. Cool? Sure, but not surprising in the least. The writers really telegraphed that one.

Thanks to Locke’s pyrotechnics, it looks like Jack and Juliet will have some more quality time together on the island to drive Kate crazy with jealousy.

Erich: Since season one, John Locke has been my favorite Lost character. Not only is his back-story one of the most interesting (I still think Hurley holds the top spot), he’s been involved in most of the series’s biggest reveals: he found three (and destroyed two) of the five Dharma stations we’ve seen so far; found the Nigerian drug plane; was there when we first saw the orientation film; and discovered the blast door map. Love him or hate him—especially this season—he’s right where the action is, and after last night he seems more closely tied to the island’s mysteries than ever.

The best scenes in the episode were those between Locke and Ben. There will be heated fan forum debate about Ben’s truthfulness. I’m inclined to believe most of what he said. If I were Ben, recovering slowly from spinal surgery, I’d want to know as much as possible about John’s miraculous healing—and be more than willing to trade real information.

This brings us to the wish-granting mystery “box.” Oh, sweet, sweet mystery box! So many possibilities! So many questions! Is it an actual, physical “box”? Is this why Dharma chose this island for their research? Does it work for, or against, the “destiny” currently focused on killing Charlie? I’d assumed most, if not all, of the Losties’ weird sightings were manifestations of the smoke monster, but now I’m not so sure. There must be a connection between the box and the monster, but I have no idea what it is.

I can’t wait to see what happens to Locke, now that he’s tasted Ben’s freaky kool-aid. We may well see him abandon Jack and Co. for the promise of answers to island mysteries (as a fan of the show, I can’t really blame him). Like Dave, I saw the final shot coming; surprising or not, having Locke’s dad on the island ups the ante big time.

Crazy theory of the week: the “mystery man” who financed the recruiting of The Others is Mr. Widmore. Not sure if he’s Jacob, but we’ve seen evidence of his company on the island before (the hot air balloon and the pregnancy test). Besides, remember the way he judged Desmond  worthless? Seems to me like someone who’d make a list of “good” and “bad” people…

Wednesday, March 21st, 2007

Rock legend and minor reality-TV celeb Ozzy Osbourne announced he is returning to his cultural roots, embracing his Irish heritage and legally changing back his last name to the one he had at birth: “O’Sbourne.” Inspired by last weekend’s St. Patrick’s Day celebration, the bat-biting rocker decided he could no longer live a lie. “At th’ time it wassh near &*%$# imposshible for an Irishman to break into the busnesshh…” slurred O’Sbourne. “I ‘ad to make a choisshhh, and th’ only $#@!&*^% choisshhh wash t’ make m’ name shound more English…” When asked why he waited nearly forty years to come clean about his ancestry, the megastar replied “Ish been ‘ow long?” and passed out. Thankfully, his agent sent us this official statement:

“At the outset of his musical career, Mr. O’Sbourne, in response to peer pressure, made the decision to Anglicize his last name and downplay his Irish ancestry. He tried on several occasions to incorporate Irish themes in his music, with early songs such as “Eire-n Man,” (about a feisty Leprechaun) only to have its name changed before release. He deeply regrets his decision, and hopes this celebration of his Irish roots—even at this late date—will encourage other musicians, pressured early in their careers to denounce the Emerald Isle, to come out as proudly, unashamedly Irish. Thank you and Sham-rock On!”

Wednesday, March 21st, 2007

Dear Huitzilopochti,

I live in the Northeast. You may have heard we recently got hit with a huge snowstorm, on the verge of spring no less! I’ve lived here all my life and the winters are always so depressing. It’s the end of March, it’s cold and snowy and I’m miserable. I fear I’m desperately close to taking my own life.

Sincerely,

Crestfallen in Colchester

Huitzilopochtli

Dear Crestfallen. You gutless worm! In my time, the sun burned so hot the hair of an unclothed toddler would disintegrate within moments. It was so hot, livestock would drown themselves in crazed agony. It was so overwhelmingly decalescent the very soil my minions trod upon would blister their feet to the bone. So excuse me if I don’t feel sympathy for you and your need to put on a sweater. Gah! What is this world coming to?! I used to lord over warriors who would eat the beating hearts of their enemies! Seriously. grow a spine people! –Huitzilopochti